These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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