If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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