I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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