I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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