STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize