My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
