i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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