i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
