This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
