i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
