um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
