you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
