Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
