I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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