I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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