cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
