this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
