you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
