So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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