I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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