I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
