I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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