Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
