Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
