I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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