You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
