There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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