We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
