Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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