That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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