Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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