I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize