He uses pillows to masturbate.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
