i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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