My brain says no but my pants say off.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
