Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His nipple licking is glorious
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