just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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