I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize