evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
