Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
