He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So squirting runs in the family.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
