I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Randomize
