dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
