Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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