At least make sure they are 18
Why
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
