You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
try to milk me bitch
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
