I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
