he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
