all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
