dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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