Fuck appropriateness.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
