Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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