don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
