She went from zero to smokin in five shots
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
