I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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