i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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