i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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