Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
