i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
