Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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