i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
