those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
