This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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