WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize