I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
