I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
