Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
