I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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