dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
