You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
