i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
