At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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