This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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