thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
