dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
