Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize