"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
