last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
